Yesterday, Smith sent an email to me and our friend Hughes asking an important question (question neither one of us had an answer to). Smith closed the email saying how in her journal from nearly ten years ago, she was asking the same questions then and is left wondering how could they still be unanswered.
This morning, I had an appointment with a recruiter. Seeing as how I have this goal (as you already know) and this goal requires savings and well, since I'm no longer loosing teeth, I haven't won the lottery and my mother won't tell me where she keeps the money tree (and I swear there must be one, for all the home redecorating and travel my RETIRED parents do) I need to get gainfully employed.
So this morning (like many mornings before) I woke up, got dressed, printed resumes and was on my way; thinking positive thoughts because, I read The Secret and am trying to put positive mojo (or whatever it is) out in the world, hoping beyond hope that I'll get there and they will magically have the perfect job for me.
And that's what gets me. The perfect job. There's a part of brain that reminds me I actually don't want 'the perfect job'; what I want is the 'the perfect career'. Really, all I need – right now – is a decent job with great pay to get me from here to there. That's all. Nothing more. But as I was on my way, it dawned on me, that I still don't even know what the perfect career is for me.
And that's a question I've been asking for the past ten years too.
I've had my foot in so many different "jobs" in the hopes that they would lead to a career. That's how I wound up working as a Paralegal. I started out doing this job to see if I should go to law school. It took me one month of seeing all the first years, in their offices at three in the morning, sitting behind huge piles of papers trying to finish the work that probably should have been done three days earlier – looking lost, beaten and bewildered – to get that idea out of my mind (though the six figure salaries has made it reappear every now and again). But before that – I've been an assistant/associate buyer, merchandiser, store manager, production manager, stylist, waiter, bartender, hostess, coat check girl, model scout, casting assistant, production assistant, office manager, proofreader and a research analyst which lead me to where I am now which is apparently a Paralegal.
I have never wanted to be a Paralegal.
And while doing all this thinking, I've managed to make it to my appointment on time, to meet with a recruiter, who hopefully has a Paralegal job that I need because (once again) I need a job but don't really want the one that I'm potentially here for. To make a long story short (though I would like to note – she complimented me on my wardrobe, shoes, glasses, thinness and my overall youthful look after realizing when I graduated college – which made up for her remark about what jobs she actually had available) – she doesn't. The field of law is in the crapper right now but she's collecting resumes from people – I'm guessing – so she has enough to create a bonfire to keep her warm once her agency closes and she's unemployed like the rest of New York.
I left the offices laughing to myself or maybe, it was AT myself. If ten years ago I was going through this very similar action, how do I keep myself from going through this in another ten. How is that I keep applying for jobs rather than a career. Or should I just ignore it and focus on the larger picture….that even if I'll be going though this in another ten years – who cares, as long as I'll be doing the search in french!
Next lesson with Mme Tutor – finding a job in french! Get all the practice I can now.