I'm considered a pretty social, outgoing person. I consider myself open-minded and fearless; a willing to try anything twice sort of person. But I have found that there is one statement, now in days, that brings fear to my heart, leaves my mouth dry and my heart fluttering. It is the one question that has caused me to decline invitations out, prevents me for starting conversations with strangers and when out, keeps me to the outer reaches of the party (that's right, I've become a wall-holder-upper).
"What is that you do?" Currently, there is no greater question that I fear. I shuddered just thinking about it.
Now, as I've noted before the main problems are: 1. I'm currently unemployed and 2. I have no idea what I want to do to earn a paycheck currently. But at the age that I am, I know how insanely ridiculous it is to not have the answer to this question. My stammering an incoherent answer of that I've been working on films but haven't found my next project yet because I no longer want to simply work in the office but rather would like to learn/see more within the film business but don't have the connections and am currently too broke to pay for services that would perhaps give me listings of new projects starting though I'm not sure which online services are scams verses legit…is way too wordy.
Which leads to the "How long have you been working in films? question. And I'm back to the long windy diatribe of my past career paths which always renders the "So why don't you go back into fashion?". Usually by now I'm doing my best to wrap it all up and inquiry what the person I'm speaking to does. Which is always a precise answer – "Sales rep for Morgan Stanley"; "Marketing director at Calgon"; "Brand manager at Simon & Schuster"; "Boys clothing designer for Children's Place"; "Accountant at IMA records". Their job titles say it all. They can breeze in and out of the conversation so easily and yet I stammer and stutter like a two year old learning how to construct a sentence for the first time.
I keep waiting for the 'if my life were a movie' moment where the person sitting/standing across from me would hand me a business card and say something like "I like your spirit/manner/drive/experience/look and I've got the perfect job for you. Call me on Monday to set up an appointment" but, alas it isn't and that has yet to happen. So I keep stomping the pavement waiting for that golden moment, while meeting random people who do everything else under the sun – none of which has yet to interest me into trying to parlay myself into their career choices and none of whom have helped me be any clearer on what my next employment move will be.