Everyday we learn something new. Well, so far in the this month I've learned lots of new things (and just remembered a few) let me share them with you:

-It takes a week to form a coffee addiction. I got a job in the beginning of November. A job that requires me to be up at 6am. I am not a morning person. And even if my head is forced to leave it's favorite pillow before nine am, my brain doesn't begin to function properly (if at all) until noon. What helps speed up brain function – COFFEE!! I leisurely began to make a cup in the morning to take on the road. That sweet magical elixir gets it going. However, after two weeks of having it first thing in the morning I now need it. And where it once was just the one for the road – it's now two or three to get me through the day. In a few weeks, I'm a full on coffee addict.

Cultural sterotypes exist for a reason. All people south of the Mason Dixon line are overweight. True. Southerners get married at incredible young ages. True. Americans are on too many prescribed drugs. So true. I'm currently working at a law firm that is handling a class action suit against a drug company. Part of my job is to call people who've filled out forms saying they used this drug and get more information from them. My head reels at the conversations I have. On a daily basis, I'm speaking to 21 year old mothers of three, who are 5'2, weigh 200 pounds and are on no less than five prescribed drugs. If I created a drinking game where I took a shot everytime I heard 'Zoloft' I'd be passed-out drunk before noon. Those, of course, are the ones I can actually understand. In most cases it seems like I'm talking to someone in Egypt, it is so hard to comprehend any of the syllables that fall from there lips (I can't even begin to count those people who don't understand me, not because of my accent but because of the size of the words used. Half the day is spent dumbing down the jargon I'm suppose to say, just to save my sanity). 

People are inherently rude. This month I have been slammed with meeting people who were never taught the phrase  'Excuse me' or 'Pardon me' when it should be used. Instead what will happen is they will try to squeeze themselves into chairs behind yours and hit it and hit it and hit it until you have lost your mind and are forced to make comments like: 'forfucksakewhycan'tpeoplesayexcusemeandgivemetimetomovebeforetheysqueezetheirfatlardfilledassesintotheseat' only to turn around and realize that I've insulted an actual overweight person, which is something I'd never do in a sane frame of mind. I swear I wouldn't…and don't get me started on how people react if they think you're a bill collector calling there home. You'd be amazed. 

-I have great friends. There are people in this world who don't have friends. I don't know how they make it through. My friends (and my family, of course) help keep me a float and from losing my mind, a large portion of the time. I've discovered recently that Smith, Paler, Stumpf, Cosca, Carab, Jacob, Duviver are actually stand-up comedians in their own right. And though I've always known I've been blessed with an amazing family and great friends, this is one of those lessons that you should always be reminded of.

Your life is not that bad. By day two of working at this job, I knew that complaining about finite problems is a no no. There are fourteen year olds having their gallbladders removed, there are seventeen years old getting pregnant because the birth control pills failed them and there are twenty-three year olds dieing of strokes also thanks to the bcp. The fact that I haven't been on a date in a while, can't afford 300 dollar boots and am beginning to see the beginning of laugh lines on my face is put into perspective when you deal with this on a day-to-day basis. I'm a big believer that your problems are important because they are your problems but seriously it ain't that bad.  

-You can find humor in everything. In all the things above, I find humor. As i'm taking my third cup of coffee and the shakes begin to take hold – I laugh. When I've had to ask someone from McCullen, Georgia to respell her street address for the fourth time – (I put the call on mute first and) I laugh. As I ask the caller if she's ever been diagnosed as 'clinically obese' and I get 'well, I've always been a big girl but no' and I see that she should have been ages ago – I laugh. When I call for someone and get the runaround, then dialtone - I laugh. As I look at a list of someones medications, were the two most under used letters of the alphabet (z and x) make quite a few appearances on the page - I laugh. And last but not least, when the day is done, I call my girls and recount my day to them – were we all laugh – because the most important lesson of all is that none of this is that serious (though talking to them lesson might help with the laugh line sitution).  

Read and post comments | Send to a friend