How did I realize it? I have no idea but I've been writing this blog for a year now. It's funny that it caught my attention and I went back and read my first post:

I've got to say I'm pretty pleased with myself. I did exactly what I set out to do…well, not exactly but close. I escaped New York. And in two weeks time I'll be heading back for a visit. What I'm pondering now is "Do I miss it?" and "Do I want to go back?"
Lets be honest – I'm currently in the UK studying screenwriting and production but the actual industry is in the states. I can take what I learn here and put it to good use back home but will that make me happy. Did I go through all this to only return to the same life, the same battle, the same dreams? 
I wish I can sit here and lie to myself about how it'll all be different but if Bernie calling me and telling me (in his half coded, round about way, where he doesn't actually say what he means) that he kinda misses me, is any indication, then not much has changed. And the fact that I've started to think that this time will be different and look forward to seeing him – shows that I haven't changed at all apparently…I'm no where near ready to return home permanently. So I will be spending my holiday in the states figuring out my next move to stay in Europe. 
But a two week vacation – that I can handle. See the greatest city in the world again. The idea of sitting down and having my nephews climb all over me instantly brings a smile to my face. So does: Central Park. Pancakes. Pancakes and crispy bacon. Oh, Pancakes, crispy bacon and Aunt Jemima!!! Quality cupcakes. Rice to Riches. Loehmanns. My friends…and, though I hate myself for admitting it – Bernie. But with that I will continue to ponder what my next move will be because even though I miss all those things, they aren't going anywhere. 

It is still a turtle race my friends….but she is definitely picking up steam!

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