Do on to others as you’d like done to you?
We all learn this statement or some variation of it as children. And as we get older I believe that it continues to ring true. Simply treat people the way you’d like to be treated. I’ve worked in service industries, a lot in my life, I’ve never forgotten this golden rule.
But there seems to be circumstances where doing the above prove difficult. Main case in point – ex’s.
Now, I’ve never been married and the longest relationship I’ve had lasted about a minute in the scheme of the life, where I was lucky and blessed to simply be able to walk away once it was done. I’ve never been one of those girls that then felt the need to share custody of the house plant he brought me that one random sunny afternoon. Once it ended – it ended. Usually because there wasn’t something tying us together.
When you’ve been married – that’s a different story. And when children are in the picture – you are tied to that person for life whether you like it or not. Treating that person the way you’d like to be treated may have flown the coup ages ago. With the few people I’ve known who are divorced, not killing them in the night took every bit of self control possible and was the kindest thing they could do for their soon to be ex’s. So slamming the door in their faces didn’t seem quite as rude as it would have in their saner days.
As someone new to the life with an ex (not mine of course) I’ve been treading slowly. I’m an eavesdropper on the on-goings of Burs and his ex-wife, since the only thing they currently speak about and have in common is Lil Burs. He treats her with as much respect as one can be imagined and expected after a relationship has ended. But what is my role in this – nothing and I’m fine with that.
Except that every now and again, I put myself in her shoes. And this is where I get wonky. As a woman, as a daughter and as a someone who is very close to her mom, I can imagine how hard it must be to not have your daughter with you on a full-time basis. To be living via phone calls, sporadic Skype-ing and long holidays, it must weigh heavy on the heart, mind and soul (just as it did when Burs had it this way) leaving me to wonder if there’s anything that can make this already strife situation just a wee bit better.
So I got it in my head that if I simply began to treat her (in theory) the way I’d like to be treated, if the shoe was on the other foot, then it might not be so bad. Mind you, I don’t know the woman from Eve in the garden, so I could be way out there with this train of thought. She wanted baby photos of Lil Burs, I made sure to add pics from events happening in her everyday life as well. School photos came home, I suggested buying enough to send to her and her extended family. Mother’s day is fast approaching – figured getting a card for the day would simply be nice (since it is expected) and wanted it mailed out on time.
Will any of this ever go noted by her? Of course not. But isn’t that the best time to be nice. No, nice is the wrong word – considerate. As an outsider and the newest person to this situation I’m merely being as considerate as I can be without stepping on toes. I am Team Burs after all. Small tokens in the realm of how I’d like to be treated is the smallest kind of consideration possible. Hopefully, I’m a better person for it!